Color Run

We went to Virginia to visit my parents in September, and we had so much fun!!! My mom and I ran the Color Run, which was awesome!! It's the only way to run ;) It was so fun!! Here's a video if you haven't heard of it.

A lot of people dressed up crazy, and had cool knee socks, so my mom got us some fun ones too!!

Before the race, with our tattoos :)

so fun!!

Signing the wall

At one point, I felt like I wasn't getting enough color, so I did a chalk angel :)

SOOOOO dirty afterwards!!

We went out to eat right after the race, and we got a LOT of stares, and people whispering..It was super uncomfortable and awkward...
My mom was also super nice, and walked with me when I got tired during the race. She would have beat my butt if we were seriously running it. She's awesome. Hopefully I'll take some time today and put up more pictures of our visit.

:)

We are SO excited!!!!!!!

LOOK!!!! Makes me smile and tear up every time I look at this sweet baby :) We are soooo blessed!!! 4th of July baby :) which makes me about 9 1/2 weeks. I hope this baby is here to stay!! We are so in love already :)

Snow

It's been pretty slow around here lately, and even though I told myself I would start blogging more, there really wasn't much to talk about, so I'll just start today.
It snowed a lot last night, so Marlee and I had fun playing in it today. (Alax had to work today) It was so fun, and even though I knew Marlee was freezing, I had to force her to come inside with a bribery of hot chocolate.

 There were friends outside when we got out there!!!

Marlee liked eating the snow more than she liked playing in it.. 

Still eating....

Trying to catch snowflakes 

I taught her how to make snow angels 

LOVE this girl to death!!!

I had to throw this one in here, because this is such a classic "Marlee" Face. It cracks me up.

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm SOOOO ready for Christmas!!!! :) All this snow has got me in the mood. :) 

Catch Up

I have been seriously neglecting this blog...I'm going to start doing more, even if it's just a short little entry.  So I have a little catching up to do!!
We went to a fun Halloween party at a friend's new house, and it was so nice to catch up with them!! Marlee is a ladybug this year :)

 Seriously, she can't take a normal picture to save her life....

Cupcake Walk

 YUMMM!!!

I dressed up too :) lol Pinterest has way too many ideas, and normally I'd be a cat or something..I thought I'd switch it up this year :) Driving over to the party wasn't awkward or anything...

We went and got pumpkins!! Can't wait to carve them! 

 First snow on Tuesday!!! Marlee LOVED it!

 Marlee is in her big girl bed!!! She's done so great!!

I still haven't blogged about my trip to Virginia..I'm the worst at taking pictures, so my mom has to send me some before I can do anything :) Marlee loved being near her Grandma and Papa!

 the Capitol

My sister gave me TONS of tomatoes from her garden, so I've been canning like crazy!! We won't run out of tomatoes for a VERY long time!

My sister took our family pictures last Sunday. These one's of Marlee were taken earlier that week, but she does such a great job!! I love every single one she took!! When did my baby get so big???

My Little Love

I've given this post a lot of thought, and it's taken me a month or so to finally sit down and put my thoughts into words. It's kind of long, and I apologize if i ramble, but I have a lot of thoughts... :)  I'm sure everyone who reads this blog knows that we were expecting a new member of our family, and six weeks into the pregnancy, we lost it. Words can't describe the heartbreak i did, and still feel about this..If you were to see me out and about, you would probably never know that i still struggle and think about that baby daily. You would never know that I just try not to think about the "what-if''s", because I would just break down (kind of like I am right now, writing this). And honestly, I really do feel at peace about this, but I wanted this baby so badly!!

We knew about this baby for one week before it was gone. But let me tell you how loved that baby was, for those seven days :) I hope it's little spirit knew how much I looked forward to holding and snuggling it's little body. I would give anything to be getting new stretch marks, and throwing up daily, and just feeling miserable, because I would get the best gift of all. I don't mean to sound ungrateful either, because I know very well that our Heavenly Father has a hand in all things, and this was His plan, but It still doesn't take all the pain away right now.

I know it may seem crazy to some, to feel so absolutely devastated to lose something you only knew about for a week, but it seems like we have been waiting forever for Heavenly Father to bless us with another one of his children, and to have it within our grasp, and then have it taken away is something that I can't even describe..

The day I lost the baby, I started bleeding a little bit, and cramping really bad. I tried to stay positive, but looking back, I knew deep down that the news wouldn't be good, and I think my Heavenly Father was already trying to prepare me for what was to come. I went to the ER, and waited in my room for a while while they ran some blood tests. After a while the nurse rolled the Ultrasound machine into my room, and the doctor squeezed that warm jelly on my stomach and touched the wand down. As my head turned to see the picture I prayed so hard to see my baby there, alive. But when I looked up at the screen, there was nothing there.....Nothing. Like that little baby never even existed. I never got to see it's sweet silhouette  or see it's little heart pump, or hear it beat through those speakers. The only tangible thing I have to remember it by, is my wristband from the hospital. I think that has been one of the hardest things for me to deal with. I wonder if it might be easier to have a little ultrasound picture, just to know that, yes, this baby was mine for 6 weeks, I didn't just make it up, or imagine it...I cried as they discharged me, and cried in the bathroom as I got my clothes back on. I cried down the hallway and out the front doors.  And as we drove away I couldn't help but notice everyone around me, driving in their cars, and walking on the streets, having conversations, and laughing with each other. Didn't they know that my world was crashing down on me? I just lost my baby, that i loved so deeply after only a week! But the world keeps turning, and everyone goes on with their lives. And I know that mine will keep going and going, and one day, this raw emotion won't be so raw, and one day I won't cry when I think about all that has happened, but right now, i do, and that's okay. One day I will look back on this experience and see how much I've grown, and think of a little spirit waiting for me in heaven, and I will smile at the thought, instead of tearing up. I will never stop being grateful for the chance to do my part in His plan. He used my body as a vessel to bring life to this world, if only for a little while, and for some reason that was all I had to do. I'll put my trust in Him, and be faithful to the fact that I don't need to know any more than that for now.

I'm not writing this post for anyone to feel sorry for me either, I'm writing this because miscarriage isn't something people talk about a lot, and I understand that's it a very personal thing, and most times, no one even know's you're pregnant, so It's not something that comes up. But I felt like I needed to talk about it, so if one day someone I know is going through the same thing, and comes across this, they won't feel alone. And for those of you who know someone who is struggling with something like this, or struggling with anything at all, it's okay to be there for them, and talk to them about it, tell them how sorry you are. I've got calls, and letters, and messages from people expressing their sympathy. Friends and family brought me dinner, and cried with me, and I feel so very grateful for such loving people in my life.

I can't wait to have my family all together one day. I can't wait to wrap my arms around a child that I couldn't know here on this earth. What a sweet day that will be :) I'm so very grateful for the Plan of Salvation, and the peace and comfort it gives me. What a gracious and loving Heavenly Father we have :)

Loa

Last weekend we went down to Loa and spent some much needed time away with family! We stayed with Alax's aunt and uncle, and had such a good time spending time with them!! We spent time fishing, visiting Capitol Reef, taking long drives to look over BEAUTIFUL views, and ate tons of amazing food!

One of the MANY fires we passed.

Marlee watching Curious George on our way to Loa! You can see how smoky it was!

This is Skip! Marlee LOVED him! She would go and lay down next to him every chance she got.

trying to make Skip go to sleep...You can see how much he likes it...Poor, poor dog!!

Most of the time the dogs would run from her when she came in the room, but at one point, Marlee climbed up on the couch and he snuggled right up on her lap. 

Marlee called Alax's uncle "papa" the whole time we were there, and his aunt "grayma"

Marlee's favorite dinner, spaghetti!!

This is the church building in Loa. It is absolutely beautiful!! The chapel has upper and lower seating, which I think is so neat!

It seems like everywhere we went there was something being sold by someone related to us!! It's so much fun to be in a small town!

Alax fishing one COLD morning

i LOVE this picture of Marlee!!

On one of our drives!!

I can't keep this girl clean for more than 10 minutes...

Marlee's poor hair...

we saw Mater on our drive home!!

We also went to Capitol Reef National Park, and it was awesome! My pictures are still on my camera, so I'll update with those soon!!

Weekend Date

Alax and I got to get away Friday and Saturday while my sister watched Marlee for us overnight. It was SO nice to get out and spend some time together, just the two of us! We went up Blacksmith Fork Canyon and went fishing Friday night, and were planning on camping, but the site we wanted to go to was full. We ended up camping in our car right next to the water :) It was fun, and free!! We got up at 5:30 Saturday morning and fished some more! We're kinda obsessed with fishing right now, if you couldn't tell :) Alax is getting into fly fishing, so he had a lot of fun. I even caught a fish! Here are some pictures from the weekend!!

 The drive is BEAUTIFUL!!

I got a picture of this house that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. It will be mine someday ;)